In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my
clients have come to see me about, there has always been an
issue about a better relationship.
Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have
related to me about having a better relationship. These
misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of
them.
Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner.
Reality Check 1
You were born pure and pristine. You then
learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church
etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better
relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your
way of living and having a better relationship.
Perhaps a
common behavior that irritates having a better relationship
would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a
behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you
may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the
concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict
in your need for a better relationship.
Myth 2 Love means
that I can fix your partner.
Reality Check 2
You
met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic
that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to
flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a
better relationship.
You may be unaware that you do not
even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and
expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the
beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.
Myth 3
I am supposed to give up the things I like in
order to be in a better relationship.
Reality Check 3
Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is
like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.
Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and
your partner.
When you give up your uniqueness you rob
yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner
of your creativity.
Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight
in shining armour.
Reality Check 4
You may have
been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take
care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no
longer able to take care of you.
Your responsibility in
creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the
table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in
shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight
in shining armour of a better relationship.
You will each
get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because
of your strengths and weaknesses.
Myth 5 It cost a lot to
be in a relationship.
Reality Check 5
In a
material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you
think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat.
Although some of these material assets are necessary, they
should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.
Love is creating a better relationship by building a
relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like
walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of
you), or sharing an ice cream.
Love in a better
relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what
you express in you heart. Love is not about money or
materialism, love just is.
Myth 6 Love in a relationship
is or is not a feeling.
Reality Check 6
It is not
what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which
may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action
of doing.
If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the
water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether
your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the
thought that counts and the action that cements a better
relationship.
Myth 7 I don't have to work at my
relationship.
Reality Check 7
As a child, you
learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters
of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put
those letters together to make words and sentences.
These
sentences then become the way in which you communicated.
When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how
to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2
tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to
enjoy a better relationship.
In summary:
1. Your
partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your
partner's true essence.
2. There is no need to have a
clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.
3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship
is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.
4. In
a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal
partners.
5. Love in creating a better relationship is
not about money and the material assets (although there are
important) but the simple things in life.
6. Love in a
better relationship is active not passive.
7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better
relationship.
About the Author:
Cecil McIntosh provides Relaxation Resources, that will turbo
charge your health, business and wealth. To receive your free 7
day Relaxation course. visit this site now:
http://www.emptyyourcup.com
