Have you ever wondered why some people seem to make new
friends so easily, while others find it so hard to form
successful relationships with new people?
Researchers who study relationships have discovered that a
big difference between those people who make new friends easily,
and those who don't, is that socially successful people tend to
make eye contact with their conversation partners much more
frequently than those who are less successful socially.
Many shy people never make eye contact at all. When speaking
with others, people who have a hard time making new friends are
more likely to look down at the ground, or look away. They
rarely will look at the face of the person they are talking
with.
If you have been less successful in making
friends than you wish, you may be able to become much more
socially successful by making this one simple change to your
behavior.
Most North Americans, especially Caucasians,
prefer to have a lot of eye contact when they are talking with
someone. When a person doesn't make eye contact with them, North
Americans tend to assume that person is hiding something. The
very phrase "shifty-eyed" connotes a person whose eyes dart
around the room, implying that they are untrustworthy.
When you are having a conversation with someone and you want to
leave a friendly impression, be sure to keep looking at that
person frequently while you are talking. You don't need to use a
piercing stare, a friendly gaze will do.
If it really
bothers you to look directly into another person’s eyes, you can
look at the person’s face without focusing solely on the eyes.
If you gaze generally at the eyebrow area or the bridge of the
nose, this is close enough to the eye region that you will
appear to be looking at the person’s eyes. You may find that it
eases your own discomfort if you let your vision go slightly out
of focus.
Whenever you are in conversation with someone,
keep the majority of your focus on the other person. If you
glance around the room too much, or look too frequently at other
people, your conversation partner may assume that you are bored,
or that you are looking around for someone else you would rather
talk with.
If you have difficulty knowing exactly how to
make eye contact, you can benefit from practicing in front of a
mirror, or practice with another person.
Don't stare at
other people too intensely however! A very intense, unblinking
stare can make your conversation partners feel very
uncomfortable.
You can lighten the impression you are
making by smiling more often, nodding, and by gazing at the
entire face as well as the eyes. In addition, you can frequently
glance away for brief periods.
When people get the sense that you are really paying
attention to them, and that you enjoy talking with them, they
will be much more likely to want to have conversations with you!
About the Author:
This article is from the new report by Royane Real, titled "Your
Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" If you want to improve
your conversation skills and make more friends, download it
today at
http://www.lulu.com/real
