Do you know anybody that you consider to be particularly
engaging and lively? Take a moment to picture that person in
your mind. What is it about that person that you find most
attractive? He or she may have a charming voice and a great
laugh, but it is also very likely that you find their face very
expressive. That person is probably quick to smile and laugh and
seems to always have a twinkle in their eye.
A face that never shows any emotion, and never smiles is not
very appealing. No matter how attractive or how plain a person’s
facial features may be, a great smile can make that person look
beautiful to others. When you smile at other people, they will
assume that you are in a good mood and that you are happy to see
them. This will make other people more likely to want to spend
time with you and to know you better.
Allowing our face
to show emotions is actually an advantage in developing
relationships. Other people are constantly trying to read and
respond to our body language and facial expressions, often on a
subconscious level. They are trying to sense whether we really
care about them or not, whether we are concerned with what is
going on in their lives.
If you are a person who is
very emotionally sensitive, this sensitivity can be an asset in
forming relationships. Use your sensitivity to show empathy for
other people. Don’t suppress your emotions, trying to be “cool”.
Don’t waste your sensitive nature being sensitive only to
yourself and your own emotions. Imagine being in the shoes of
the person you are talking with, and let yourself feel the
sadness, happiness, excitement or pride that is present in the
story they are telling you.
If we repress all our
emotions from showing on our face, people will feel frustrated
trying to get a sense of who we really are. When we let our
emotions show up on our face, sharing in our conversation
partner’s joys and sorrows, worries and frustrations, as well as
their hope and excitement, both of us feel less alone. Both
people will feel more connected to each other.
Sometimes
we worry about our facial expressions. We may sense that our
smile looks forced, or makes us look nervous. We may worry that
we don’t smile enough, or that we frown too much.
One way
you can check on your facial expressions is to have yourself
videotaped in conversation with another person. When you review
the tape, does your smile looks forced, or natural? Do you look
extremely serious? Are you able to portray a feeling of fun and
light-heartedness?
If you are not able to analyze the
tape effectively by yourself, have someone else you trust give
you some feedback.
If you think your facial
expressiveness could be improved, you can practice in front of a
mirror. Watch your face as you imagine yourself feeling various
positive and negative emotions. Imagine yourself hearing a very
funny joke. Or winning the lottery. Or receiving a nice
compliment. Meeting your neighbor. Getting a present. Having a
secret.
Also imagine yourself experiencing negative
situations and watch your facial expressions in the mirror.
Exaggerate them. Switch back to imagining positive emotions. Are
you normally this expressive? Do you let other people see the
real you? Or do you try to hide yourself from everyone? Do you
like the person you see in the mirror?
Your smiles and
other facial expressions will be more natural and more appealing
when you are relaxed, rather than tense. If you get nervous when
you are talking with others, you may find it helpful to practice
body relaxation techniques until you can easily relax at will.
Consciously tell all the muscles in your body to relax, even if
you have to give instructions mentally to each part of your
body, one section at a time. When you are with other people, let
your mental focus be on enjoying the situation you are in,
rather than imagining what others are thinking about you, or
worrying what you will say next.
Let you emotions come from deep within you, and spread to
your face, rather than trying to artificially manufacture facial
expressions.
About the Author:
This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane
Real titled "How You Can Have All The Friends You Want - Your
Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping
Friends" available at her website at
www.royanereal.com
