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Second Marriage Wedding Dress And Etiquette

Just as with your first marriage, your second marriage is a new beginning with your fiance. So it makes sense that many of the traditional rituals and rules of etiquette apply. But which ones?

There is no reason why you should not register for gifts, have a shower, or wear a white, full-length gown at the altar. Whether or not you will choose any of these options is now considered strictly a matter of personal preference dictated by your style.

Charting a new course

When it comes to the ceremony, one of the questions that experienced brides-to-be frequently ask themselves is "Do I really want to do everything the same or do something completely different?" If you were married in a civil ceremony the first time, maybe itís time to consider a church ceremony, complete with flower girls, a ring bearer, and attendants.

Because you are certainly all-grown-up now, this is your chance to plan your wedding exactly the way you want it to be, without any unnecessary consideration for the wishes of parents. However, you will want to discuss your feeling and carry out the planning with the groom.

On the other hand, if the formality and style of your first wedding did suite your taste, you should feel free to repeat those elements. Nevertheless, since this is a time to look toward the future, rather than returning to the past, donít get bogged down with history. Using the same reception site or adding the same personal touches would be in poor taste, so should be avoided.

How to Get Married Again: A Guide to Second Weddings - By Jill Curtis
available from

Large ceremony or small

The size of your wedding party, as well as the number of guests you will invite, is entirely up to you. With regard to the ceremony itself, the rules of etiquette would be the same as if you were marrying for the first time.

If you are planning to invite more than 50 guests, arrange to have attendants (groomsmen or ushers) on hand. If at all possible, you will want to have one attendant for every 50 guests.

And Jenny makes three

Children of the bride and/or groom are often a part of second marriages. If either of you has children, invite them to participate in the ceremony.

Teens make nice junior ushers and junior bridesmaids. Very young daughters can, of course, be flower girls, and little boys, ring bearers or pages. Conversely, if the ceremony is to be small or the ages of the children would make them unsuitable for these roles, you might simply ask them to accompany you down the isle, or meet you at the altar.

Children do not always welcome the opportunity to participate in wedding ceremonies. If you children seem unwilling to play a role in the ceremony, you should respect their feelings.
Incidentally, if you share custody with your ex-husband, let him know about plans to include your children in the ceremony.

Inviting your ex-husband and former in-laws

If you and your former in-laws are still on good terms, you may want to invite them. However, you are under no obligation to do so. Consider this as nothing more than a formality since they would not be expected to accept.

Rarely would an ex-spouse be invited to the ceremony, even if the two of you have remained friends. Think about it. Inviting your ex-spouse to the ceremony leaves him with only two choices, neither of which would be welcomed: accepting and feeling bad or declining and looking bad.

A more sensible and considerate approach would be to invite him to a private dinner, perhaps at your home, after the ceremony and honeymoon.

© Copyright 2005

About the Author:

Jean Bachcroft is a former public relations director, the founder of Bachcroft and Aloha Labels, and the publisher and editor-in-chief of Town and Country Shopping Bargains Magazine. For designer wedding, holiday, and year-round mailing and return address labels, visit Bachcroft Mailing and Return Address Labels and Aloha Return Address Labels For bargains and bargain shopping articles, visit Town and Country Shopping Bargains.


Nonsense! Tell her to find the funds herself! I paid for most of my first marriage myself - my parents helped out as best they could. I would never consider asking them to subsidise a second! Of course you may wish to help out in some way, but she should not be so selfish as to expect you to foot the bill for number two. Tell her to grow up and get saving!
I don't think it is down to etiquette rather than morals really.  Yes it is traditional for brides parents to pay for daughters wedding but I would be reluctant even to ask my father now he is elderly on a pension and has already paid first time around.
I am getting married for a second time and as my parents paid for everything for my first attempt I would never expect them to pay for my second! I note one surfer says at 32 she should pay for herself, I didn't get married for the first time till 32  I am now 39 and will be paying for my own somewhat smaller more intimate family wedding !
Surely you gave up responsibility for her when you gave her hand to her first husband.  I'm divorced and will eventually re-marry, but there is no way I would expect my poor dad to pay for it all again.  Your daughter is taking serious liberties she is an adult who made adult decisions in her life, tell her to take responsibility for her own actions and put her hand in her pocket.  If that means she has to have a simpler cheaper event than she was hoping for so be it.  Not your problem.
I'm 26 & am getting married for a 2nd time I have kids with my fiancť & I would never even consider asking my parents to pay for any part of our wedding, it is not your responsibility, it should be up to her to deal with, she is an adult after all.
Absolutely not your responsibility.  At 32...she should be looking after herself, especially for a second wedding.
I would like to know who should pay for a second marriage?  My daughter is marrying for the second time.  She and her fiancť already have a child, and she insists that it is our duty to pay for the wedding.  We don't feel obligated to do so.  She is 32 years old.

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