Just as with your first marriage, your second marriage is a
new beginning with your fiance. So it makes sense that many of
the traditional rituals and rules of etiquette apply. But which
There is no reason why you should not register for gifts,
have a shower, or wear a white, full-length gown at the altar.
Whether or not you will choose any of these options is now
considered strictly a matter of personal preference dictated by
Charting a new course
comes to the ceremony, one of the questions that experienced
brides-to-be frequently ask themselves is "Do I really want to
do everything the same or do something completely different?" If
you were married in a civil ceremony the first time, maybe itís
time to consider a church ceremony, complete with flower girls,
a ring bearer, and attendants.
Because you are certainly
all-grown-up now, this is your chance to plan your wedding
exactly the way you want it to be, without any unnecessary
consideration for the wishes of parents. However, you will want
to discuss your feeling and carry out the planning with the
On the other hand, if the formality and style of
your first wedding did suite your taste, you should feel free to
repeat those elements. Nevertheless, since this is a time to
look toward the future, rather than returning to the past, donít
get bogged down with history. Using the same reception site or
adding the same personal touches would be in poor taste, so
should be avoided.
Large ceremony or small
The size of your wedding party, as well as the number of guests
you will invite, is entirely up to you. With regard to the
ceremony itself, the rules of etiquette would be the same as if
you were marrying for the first time.
If you are
planning to invite more than 50 guests, arrange to have
attendants (groomsmen or ushers) on hand. If at all possible,
you will want to have one attendant for every 50 guests.
And Jenny makes three
Children of the bride and/or
groom are often a part of second marriages. If either of you has
children, invite them to participate in the ceremony.
Teens make nice junior ushers and junior bridesmaids. Very young
daughters can, of course, be flower girls, and little boys, ring
bearers or pages. Conversely, if the ceremony is to be small or
the ages of the children would make them unsuitable for these
roles, you might simply ask them to accompany you down the isle,
or meet you at the altar.
Children do not always welcome
the opportunity to participate in wedding ceremonies. If you
children seem unwilling to play a role in the ceremony, you
should respect their feelings.
Incidentally, if you share
custody with your ex-husband, let him know about plans to
include your children in the ceremony.
ex-husband and former in-laws
If you and your former
in-laws are still on good terms, you may want to invite them.
However, you are under no obligation to do so. Consider this as
nothing more than a formality since they would not be expected
Rarely would an ex-spouse be invited to the
ceremony, even if the two of you have remained friends. Think
about it. Inviting your ex-spouse to the ceremony leaves him
with only two choices, neither of which would be welcomed:
accepting and feeling bad or declining and looking bad.
A more sensible and considerate approach would be to invite
him to a private dinner, perhaps at your home, after the
ceremony and honeymoon.
© Copyright 2005 Bachcroft.com.
About the Author:
Jean Bachcroft is a former public relations director, the
founder of Bachcroft and Aloha Labels, and the publisher and
editor-in-chief of Town and Country Shopping Bargains Magazine.
For designer wedding, holiday, and year-round mailing and return
address labels, visit Bachcroft Mailing and Return Address
Labels and Aloha Return Address Labels For bargains and bargain
shopping articles, visit Town and Country Shopping Bargains.
|Nonsense! Tell her to find the funds herself! I paid for
most of my first marriage myself - my parents helped out as best
they could. I would never consider asking them to subsidise a
second! Of course you may wish to help out in some way, but she
should not be so selfish as to expect you to foot the bill for
number two. Tell her to grow up and get saving!
|I don't think it is down to etiquette
rather than morals really. Yes it is traditional for brides
parents to pay for daughters wedding but I would be reluctant
even to ask my father now he is elderly on a pension and has
already paid first time around.
|I am getting married for a second time and as my parents
paid for everything for my first attempt I would never expect
them to pay for my second! I note one surfer says at 32 she
should pay for herself, I didn't get married for the first time
till 32 I am now 39 and will be paying for my own somewhat
smaller more intimate family wedding !
|Surely you gave up responsibility for her
when you gave her hand to her first husband. I'm divorced and
will eventually re-marry, but there is no way I would expect my
poor dad to pay for it all again. Your daughter is taking
serious liberties she is an adult who made adult decisions in
her life, tell her to take responsibility for her own actions
and put her hand in her pocket. If that means she has to have a
simpler cheaper event than she was hoping for so be it. Not
|I'm 26 & am getting married for a 2nd time I have kids with
my fiancť & I would never even consider asking my parents to pay
for any part of our wedding, it is not your responsibility, it
should be up to her to deal with, she is an adult after all.
|Absolutely not your responsibility. At
32...she should be looking after herself, especially for a
|I would like to know who should pay for a second marriage?
My daughter is marrying for the second time. She and her
fiancť already have a child, and she insists that it is our duty
to pay for the wedding. We don't feel obligated to do so. She
is 32 years old.
What does fellow surfers think ?