Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you realize
that very often we make the same dating mistakes over and over
again? As outlined in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating
Handbook" sometimes these mistakes can lead to losing the date
of our dreams, or possibly being in a bad relationship. I've
compiled a list of dating No-nos which will help you identify a
possible problem that you can work on to improve your dating
#1 - Playing Games:
When it comes to dating we all have a
fear of rejection. This is human nature. So playing it cool and
not getting too involved with others makes us feel safe. Only
problem with this is you may come off as being cold and aloof.
For many people this is a real turn off. And you may find the
date of your dreams slipping away. The best way to find a loving
relationship is to be real. People will be far more receptive to
you if they believe you are genuine.
An other game people
play is the "manipulation" game. Doing things like telling
someone you "love them" or you'll "call them" just to have them
sleep with you. Then once the deed is done they never hear from
you again. This is one of the most cruel forms of manipulation
and it must be considered unacceptable in the dating world.
Understand that it is O.K. to be a bit cautious. But you still
must be brave and show the real you. Only then will you be able
to have a trusting, loving relationship with the date of your
#2 - Moving to Fast:
Ladies this one is for
you. We all fantasize about our future and the man of our
dreams. Again, this is only human. But, do you find yourself
testing out his last name with yours and you haven't even gone
out on a third date yet? Well, if you do it's time to remind
yourself to Slow Down. Here's why. Normally for the first 3-8
months of a relationship we are running on euphoria. You know
that "head over heels" or that "swept off your feet" kind of
feeling that comes with falling in love?
Well, there's an actual
reason why this occurres. It's from a chemical in our body
called oxytocin. Basically, this chemical takes over our brain
and it interferes with our ability to think clearly. So, until
you've had time to get to know a person, and spend time with him
to see what he is really like, it's best not to get to far ahead
of yourself. If your expectations become to high you may find
yourself heading down the path of heartache, and losing the date
of your dreams. Slow Down!
#3 - Are you always talking
about your ex?
Carrying old baggage into a new relationship
can be disastrous. Sure we've all had previous relationships,
and yes your new love will find out about them. But, if you are
constantly complaining about your ex, or always comparing your
current love to your ex, it will get real old, real fast.
Instead, take some time to get to know this person. Give
yourself the opportunity for a new start. Try to work out any
old problems before you start up a new relationship. This way
you won't allow the old baggage to cloud your judgment and
affect your actions with your new love. Always talking about
your ex may have you losing the date of your dreams.
What are Red Flags? Well, here are some, but there
are plenty more.
- Someone you were scheduled to meet doesn't
show up and has no reasonable explanation as to why.
Someone your involved with will not give you their home phone
- He/she will not introduce you to family or friends.
- He/she won't go out in public with you.
- Being cruel to a
- Being disrespectful to a parent.
Yes, all of these
are Red Flags. And, Red Flags should not be ignored.
While you should not jump to conclusions about anyone unless you
have sufficient evidence that something maybe wrong. If you do
feel there is a problem you will need to confront this person
and ask for an explanation. If you do not get an acceptable
explanation and the situation continues to occur then you need
to move on. You do not want to waste your valuable time on a
relationship that is doomed to fail.
#5 - Thinking
Are you a worrier? If so, don't let it ruin your
relationship with the date of your dreams. Many people will
worry over a relationship, even before it has a chance to really
get going. You'll worry over what he/she said, or what your
response was to something said. You'll worry over whether the
relationship is moving to fast or to slow. Or whether the
relationship is working at all. And, what will your friends
think, your family think and so on. You need to understand that
this sort of obsessive behavior is a real relationship killer.
Try to build some self-confidence and trust that the
relationship will work. And at a pace which is perfect for the
both of you.
#6 - The Interrogation:
Do you want to
know every detail of someone's life, and try to get it out of
him/her on the first date? Well, you can't, not on the first or
even the second date. If you come off as "The Interrogator" your
new dream date will soon become tired of answering all your
questions and move on to someone else. How many kids do you want
to have? is not a good opening line on a first date. Just relax,
let things happen naturally through simple conversation. Soon
you'll know all there is to know about you new friend. So relax
and just have some fun with you new date.
#7 - What about
Do you want kids, but, he/she does not? Did you
tell him/her you want kids or are you just going along with
his/her idea of life? You must be able to directly communicate
your needs. If you don't you will spend your time in a
relationship without having your needs met. You need to know
what your own needs are and what his/her needs are before
starting a serious relationship. When talking about your needs
be assertive. Not bossy, naggy or demanding. But, tactful and
direct. And, if the two of you can not agree on meeting each
other's needs, (what ever they maybe) then it is time to
re-evaluate the relationship. In any relationship whether it be
personal or business the needs of all parties involved must be
#8 - Sacrificing too much:
Do you find yourself doing
things to show someone you care that you would never do other
wise? Are you letting yourself be used as a "doormat"? Usually
this sort of behavior is associated with low self-esteem. Please
realize that in any healthy relationship both parties must be
treated as equals. And both parties must have their needs met.
If this sounds like you re-evaluate your relationship, and if
your are not happy get out. There is someone out there who will
love you for who you are, without you having to jump through
hoops to prove it.
About the Author:
Marie Clare specializes in writing about Dating, Relationships,
Romance and Sexuality. Check out her lastest Best Selling eBook
"the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" plus reviews of the Best
Online Dating Sites, FREE Articles, Tips and Advice at
These tips are great! They are
perfect for relationships. I have followed them as
well and I've found the one I want to spend my life
with. - may b.
my boyfriend never talks to me he
doesn't tell me how he feels and i hope that he
would just open up to me chantelle h
I went on a date recently, after
reading the article, and what I read really helped
me and I can honestly say, I'm with the girl of my
dreams . josh d .