Establishing boundaries can be a very important thing to do
in dating and romantic relationships, especially for women. The
boundaries that a woman does set in these situations are based
on her values and on what she believes are appropriate behaviors
for her in those dating and romantic situations.
Let’s
look at two boundary situations:
•If on the second date a man
asks a woman to go away with him for a weekend, I would advise
her to reply, “Thank you, but I could never do that until
perhaps we knew each other a lot better.”
•Another
situation: They’ve been dating and having sex for six months,
and he then asks her to move in with him. If the woman desires,
ultimately, to marry this man, I would recommend that she reply,
“Thank you, sweetheart, but I could never move in with you
unless we were married---or at least engaged.”
The 3-part
structure behind my suggested boundary phrasing is, first, to
thank the man for the offer, then, to decline it forcefully
(“never”), and, finally, to tell the man of any condition
(engaged or married) that might change the woman’s mind.
•A last example: the woman wishes to marry the man and listens
to him propose marriage, but also say that he doesn’t want to
get the ring or set a wedding date “just yet.” What should she
say? Again, she should stand up for what she reasonably wants
and believes in and say, “Oh, sweetheart, I could never get
engaged without a ring and wedding date. That’s what an
engagement is, sweetheart.”
In any of these situations,
if the man then asks why the woman can’t do what he is asking,
she should answer in the following manner, standing behind her
beliefs and values: “I just don’t believe in doing that sort of
thing; that’s not the kind of woman I am.”
How would you
establish the boundaries in your dating and relationships? Any
tips to share with me?
About the Author:
Py Kim Conant, the author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha:
How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, from Hunter House,
October 28, 2006. Looking for dating, sexuality, and
relationship tips and secrets? Visit her website at
http://www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com
